Your child is going to experience a variety of emotions as he or she matures. As a parent, it is up to you to understand your child’s behaviors and handle them appropriately.
Does your child’s behavior change when you are in public? For some, it can. Not sure what to do?
Here are a few suggestions:
When school's out, children have more time to freely play and explore. That's when parents often see an increase in arguments, fighting, and “he said, she said.”
What can parents do to help our children work through their disagreements? We can teach them simple conflict/negotiation skills that can last a lifetime.
Everyone argues at some point. Conflict is part of life. Let a child know it is okay to be angry, but how you handle it is important. It is never okay to solve a conflict through hitting, fighting or yelling. Healthy ways to address conflict include having a goal when you argue. This is not an opportunity to have one person win, but rather a time to find solutions, understand what the other person is trying to say and let the involved individuals share their feelings. Showing mutual respect for each other is also important. Speak calmly and don’t blame one another. Both go much further than yelling or using mean words. Our children need to stop and listen to what the other person is saying so they can work together to find a solution.
“I messages” are a great way to communicate and are easy to teach. For example, saying “I feel angry when you hit me with the ball” is much better than yelling, “Quit hitting me you moron!”
Another option is to help children find common ground to use as a starting point. Redirect children to another activity they enjoy doing together.
These are only a few of the many ways to resolve conflict. Keep in mind that as we teach our children they will look to us - the parents. They will watch how we interact and they will model their behavior after ours. After all, parents are role models for their children. If we ask our children to use conflict resolution techniques, we should be prepared to use them as well.
Do you know that there is a difference between disciplining your child and punishing them? When you discipline your child you are trying to teach ways of changing behaviors. Punishment is punitive. Learn simple ways to remember to discipline your child and not punish them. You want your child to learn to change the negative behavior, right? Of course, and the way we need to do this is through teaching also called disciplining. First and foremost, we need to be sure we are role modeling positive behavior for our children. We know that children "learn what they live." It is important that we:
by Katharine C. Kersey, Ed.D.
"Do to others what you would want someone to do to you" is the bedrock of almost every world religion. Most of us have been taught its merits since we were children. However, when it comes to raising children, does it work? Do we really want children to treat us the same way we treat them?
If we truly believed in the Golden Rule, would we yell at children? Would we embarrass them, take their favorite things away, become visibly angry, ridicule or hurt them? If we believed the Golden Rule, should we expect children to yell, embarrass, take things, or try to intentionally hurt us?
Most of us would agree that what we want for children in the long run is for them to make good decisions and eventually live meaningful lives – on their own – without us. How do we accomplish this? The answer lies in the way we behave ourselves and the way we treat children – from birth all the way through adolescence. Children are born not knowing how to behave, and they learn these skills by watching us. We must learn to treat children respectfully, responsively, and sensitively.
If we truly lived by the Golden Rule, we would constantly ask ourselves the questions, "How would I want to be treated? What would I want someone to do or say to me?" When children are treated with respect they will have respect for others, as well as self respect.
We are our children's first "mirrors" and they look into our faces to see who they really are. Parents have the power to make or break the spirit of children - to help them believe in themselves or to make them doubt their own potential.
Children are always watching us. They model the way we eat, talk, walk and behave. If children think we are angry with them, they begin to doubt themselves. If they think we are pleased, they gain strength and courage to keep trying. Experiences that may seem unimportant to an adult may be the defining moment in a child's life.
Children repeat the behaviors that work and eliminate the ones that don't. Children want and need our attention. We need to look for the positives by investing our energy and attention on the kind of behaviors we want to see "more of" in children. In other words, focus on the "Do's" and not the "Don'ts."
To do this, parents must first have the tools to create positive results. From there, they need time to practice the new techniques until they become part of everyday life.
"The 101s: A Guide to Positive Discipline" provides 101 techniques that will create the kind of outcome that we all want for children. See the related links box to view ten of the principles.
Everyone gets angry, and different people express anger differently. Some keep it inside; others express their emotions outwardly. Some deny it and others are able to channel their emotions into a positive activity. Parents, take a look at the following tips to help your child manage his/her anger.
Remember, anger is a normal emotion. Parents can help child find ways to handle their feelings in ways that help increase confidence, self-esteem and resilience.
Temper tantrums are not unusual behavior for children. It is a normal part of every childhood. Most children have temper tantrums from the ages of 1 to 3 years old. However, you may know children much older that continue to have them because they succeed in getting what they want when they throw a temper tantrum or they may seek attention and cannot verbalize their needs (often with older children with special needs).
Most importantly, remember every parent has to deal with a temper tantrum at least once in their life! You are not alone. If you can stand your ground, ignore the behavior and look the other way, you will find that temper tantrums will soon go away!
Digital natives are the first generation of people to grow up with and use technology in their everyday lives. From their beginning, they have used computers, the Internet, video games and mobile devices for play, learning, entertainment and relationships. Life without their favorite technological device seems boring.
They think differently. Instead of being adopters of technology, they are living with technology. They receive and process information quickly. They are multi-taskers. Graphic rich environments are far more appealing than text-based ones. They thrive on instant gratification and frequent rewards. Game play is preferred.
As a parent, how do you cope? Use technology to instill key skills and concepts. For example, a calculator can be useful in learning basic mathematical concepts. Let your kindergartener or first grader explore numbers by subtracting the number 1 repeatedly on the calculator. Observe their face when they get a negative number. Discuss what happened.
With an older school age child, ask them to add or subtract the same number repeatedly using their calculator. Patterns will emerge when you add 2, 5, 10 or 100. Connect this idea with multiplication.
By using your child’s favorite technology as a learning tool, you help them be more creative.
: Bringing together City, Schools, and the Community for
a common mission.
GrowSmart’s mission is to promote and improve the
healthy development, school readiness, and reading
proficiency of young children, ages 0-8, in Virginia
This site was designed to provide information and resources for Virginia Beach parents, caregivers,and teachers of young children, ages 0-8.
The site is also intended for our community stakeholders who wish to find out more about the City of Virginia Beach’s early learning efforts and how you can get involved.
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